05.03.15

One-to-One Support: Sue and Patty


Patty and SueAs our first birthday approaches, we are pleased to introduce a new series of posts profiling the women who are a part of the Firefly Sisterhood. Each of their stories is unique and inspiring, and we are proud to share them here.

“Welcome to the sisterhood that nobody ever wants to join.” That’s what a friend and fellow survivor told Patty when she was diagnosed with stage 2 breast cancer in September 2009. Luckily for Patty and the recently diagnosed women she now mentors, including Sue, her journey ultimately brought her to a sisterhood she did want to join. The Firefly Sisterhood matched Patty and Sue in December 2014, and the relationship they’ve developed has been invaluable to each of them.

Patty quickly learned during treatment, that for her, it was crucial to maintain a sense of humor. She describes, “There are all of these experiences you have that – if you’re fortunate enough to be in a good place when you’re going through it- you think, ‘This is so weird, I can’t believe this is happening!’ Your breasts aren’t your own anymore, and it’s no big deal to flash people—I mean, you’re taking off your shirt all the time!”

Although she worked hard to keep that perspective, and her surgery and treatment went smoothly, the fear and pain she experienced stayed with her. When she heard about the Firefly Sisterhood, Patty jumped at the opportunity to become a Guide. She explains, “The personal connection [that the Firefly Sisterhood facilitates] is so, so important. To be able to talk face-to-face with somebody who has actually physically experienced what you’re going through—there’s a perspective there that even the most wonderfully compassionate friend or doctor can’t give you.”

Patty’s first in-person meeting with Sue was a powerful experience for her: “Sitting across the table from Sue, I was looking at her face and hearing her and remembering feeling that fear so clearly. To be able to say, ‘I see your fear, and I understand, but it’s all going to be okay’—to be able to validate] feelings and share my knowledge is a wonderful gift for me.”

Sue was diagnosed in October 2014, and she discovered Firefly Sisterhood soon after. She immediately knew it would be an asset, she says, “Because, boy, when you first get diagnosed and you’re facing all this stuff…overwhelming doesn’t begin to describe it.”

Five months later, those initial feelings were replaced by the monotony of treatment. Sue describes, “I don’t want to be Sue With Cancer, I just want to go back to being Sue. Sue was pretty fun, but Sue With Cancer is kind of a drag.” And for her, Patty is first and foremost a reminder that she won’t always have cancer: “Seeing somebody [in person] who went through it and who has come out the other side okay—to know that that’s possible…it instills hope.”

Patty offers a kind of empathy and support that can only come from another survivor with similar experience, Sue says: “Patty gets it. She gets me.” Their relationship has been crucial for Sue, who was surprised at what her diagnosis did to some of her friendships. She describes, “Chemo and surgery do weird things to you, but people get weird when you have cancer, too…some people really step up and some people really step away.”

Patty’s advice to find humor amidst all of that weirdness has helped Sue tremendously. She says, “It’s not all gloom and doom. Find something to be able to laugh about, even if it’s something that’s really demented. Like, why does the hair fall out on your legs but not your arms?”

Sue says that Patty and the Firefly Sisterhood have made it far easier for her to deal with the day-to-day of treatment: “When they say ‘together we shine,’ it’s really true—because I would be alive, and I would be recovering without it. But with it, I’m happier, I’m doing better, I’m shining more. I can’t wait till I’m well enough to give that to someone else.”

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